The Disastrous Life of Saiki K One Shots
by Ashardalon125
Summary: One shots taking place after the end of Season 3.


House Call

Saiki stood in his living room, facing his parents who sat on the couch at attention like students in trouble. His gaze flicked between the two of them, making sure they were paying attention.

"_I'm having a...friend over today_," he thought, forcing himself to use the word. Despite finally embracing the idea that they were more than nuisances, years of habit made it hard to say it, even in his thoughts. Not to mention the way his parent's minds lit up when he said it. He sent a quick glare their way, hoping to put a damper on their moods.

To no avail.

"I can't believe Ku-chan's inviting a friend over!" his mom wailed, looking overwhelmed.

"Yeah, and here I was thinking he was going to be anti-social for life," his father observed bluntly. With only an angry quirk of his eyebrow, he telekinetically twisted his father's arm.

"_Keep talking like that, and I'll live up to it_," he threatened.

"Awww, don't be like that Ku-chan. Your father and I are just happy that you're inviting someone over!" his mom explained, seemingly unconcerned about the pained expression on her husband's face. Saiki relented, ignoring the dirty thoughts his father sent him. He was entitled to them, after all, even if he was an idiot. "So who's coming over? Is it Kaidou-kun, or Nendo, or-?"

"_None of them_," Saiki said, cutting off his mother's speculations. He'd already seen the list in her mind, and knew it wasn't any of them. "_I'm having Mikoto-san over._"

His parents looked at each other, sharing a verbally silent exchange.

_Do you know them?_ his mother wondered.

_Beats me_, his father thought. Sometimes, it almost scared Saiki how easily the two could communicate despite not being able to _actually_ hear thoughts like he could. One of the perks of being married, he supposed.

He heard the connection in his mom's mind, and was already sighing as her voice joined her mind in squealing in delight. "Is she that girl Mother mentioned the other day?"

"Saiki's inviting a girl?" his father asked in complete surprise. "I thought you hated romance."

"_I do_," Saiki corrected insistently. "_Mikoto-san is here to help me with something_."

To his mild surprise, neither of his parents took his ambiguity in an unwanted direction, simply wondering what a normal person could help their all-powerful son with. It was his mom who spoke first, likely because he heard her thoughts reaching a question faster. "Mother mentioned that she knew your secret. Does this have to do with that?"

"_Partially_," Saiki confirmed. "_Mikoto-san is a fortune teller_."

"Like...the kind of people who put up booths at fairs?" his father asked, confused.

"_Except her fortunes are completely accurate. She's a psychic too_," he explained, narrowing his eyes at the flood of thoughts from his father. "_And no, you're not allowed to ask her __**anything**__._"

"You're no fun," his father pouted, leaning back on the couch. "What's the point in fortune telling if you don't get to win the lottery?"

"_Because karma balances. For every good thing, something equally bad must happen_," Saiki explained, paraphrasing Aiura's own explanation. "_So unless you want to get hit by a car, don't. Though I wouldn't mind._"

"So if she's not using her fortunes, how is she helping you?" his mother asked, getting back to the topic.

"_I want to let my friends know what I am. But before that, I want to practice being more...normal. So she's going to help me_."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Ku-chan," his mother insisted, but Saiki shook his head, even if he appreciated the sentiment.

"_That's not what I mean. All my life, I've used telepathy to understand people. Without it, I can't understand people. If I wanted to watch a movie with friends, I'd need to wear my ring, and I can't understand people when I have it on. Not to mention how...uneasy it makes me feel_." Saiki chose his words carefully, not quite ready to admit to himself or anyone else that maybe, just _maybe_ his concerns were unfounded. He was just well-prepared, not afraid or paranoid.

"Ah! I get it," his father said, clapping his hands together. "It's like you're tone-deaf."

"_That doesn't mean what you think it means, but according to your idea, yes. I have trouble discerning tones or visual tells. She's going to help me_," he summarized.

"So...why are we here?" his father asked, and Saiki could feel the nervous energy in his mind. Despite himself, Saiki couldn't help but smile a little.

"_Normal people introduce friends to their family. So I'm introducing Mikoto-san to you two. I'm not a fan of the idea, but I need to practice. Besides which, I'm pretty sure Mom would murder me if I tried to turn away a friend again_."

"Guilty~" his mom said pleasantly, her mood equally bright despite the dark accusation. Sometimes his mom was an enigma even to him.

"_The other thing is that I will be wearing my ring today while we practice. As a result, I will not be able to hear thoughts. So if either of you need anything, you'll have to find me. And if I don't know you're coming, I might reflexively use my powers. So try to bear that in mind. I'd hate to launch Mom through a wall_."

"What about me?" his father asked.

"_You'd live_," Saiki dismissed. Any protest from his father was cut off by his mother standing and saluting seriously.

"Leave it to us, Ku-chan!" she shouted, before a smile broke out on her face. "I'm just glad to hear you're getting along with your friends. How long is she staying?"

"_I don't know. It depends on how much progress we make, and how she's feeling. I'll let you know ahead of time if it looks like we'll be here through a meal_," Saiki promised, already aware of what his mother was angling for. She at least had the good graces to smile guiltily, even if her inner thoughts were pleased.

The sound of buzzing came from his pocket, and he pulled out his phone. A message from Aiura: _Almost there~! _

Saiki just stared at the message for a moment before silently sliding it back into his pocket. "_She'll be here soon_."

"Come on, Papa. Let's make the house look nice!" his mother said, inviting his father up with her. Saiki just watched as the pair of them went to go clean, shaking his head at how sickly sweet the two were.

* * *

A short while later, Saiki heard the doorbell ring, just as he'd expected from Aiura's thoughts.

_Don't worry. Nendo's not here_, she thought aloud, pre-empting his concern as he approached the door. _Geez, this is not a bad house. Way more than enough for three people. I wonder if Saiki and I-no, stop that thought. You know he's listening. Saiki, please ignore this_.

Saiki smiled slightly to himself as he opened the door to the sight of a flustered Aiura. "When I said to tease me, I didn't mean like that."

Saiki raised an eyebrow, amused. "_I didn't do anything. You did that yourself. Now, come inside._"

As Aiura stepped in, he could hear the rush of thoughts that came when someone experienced something new. It was faster than people tended to normally think, and was a confusing blur of copying images to memory and half-baked thoughts. He didn't blame her though, since it happened to everyone.

"Really digging this joint," Aiura complimented, looking around the foyer.

"Is your friend here?" his mom called from the next room, peeking her head around the corner. Her smile only widened as she beheld Aiura, and she quickly rushed over, taking one of Aiura's hands in both of hers. "Oh, you must be Mikoto-san! Thank you for keeping my mom company the other day!"

"It was nothing," Aiura assured her quickly, straightening up in surprise and reflex. "It was my pleasure."

_Shit, how do I do formal again?_ Aiura thought, hiding her panic well. Even so, he could see the way she quickly glanced at him, her eyes and mind screaming for help.

"_My mom isn't phased by anything_," Saiki explained simply. "_When Nendo first showed up, she didn't even register how strange he looks_."

"Ah, that's a relief," Aiura said aloud, rolling her shoulders. "Man, that would be a drag. Really cramping my style, ya know?"

Turning back to his Mom, Aiura extended her hand with a bright smile. "Let's try that again, 'kay? You can just call me Aiura. 'Mikoto-san' is totes too formal."

To his mom's credit, the sudden switch didn't catch her off guard, and she understood the intent well enough. "Alright, Aiura it is! It's nice to finally meet you."

"Samesies!" Aiura enthused. "I've been curious about who Kusuo's parents are for a while now."

Instantly, Saiki could feel his mom's attention turn to him, and the excitement levels he registered scared him more than any amount of anger could. _Someone calls my son by his first name! And a girl, too!_

"_It's not like that,_" Saiki thought to his mom with a glare, but she either didn't care, or didn't acknowledge it.

"Come on in, Aiura! No need to stand in the foyer! Let me show you around!"

"_Mom, we don't need to-_" Saiki stopped himself as his mom turned to glare at him, her mood switching in an instant.

"Ku-chan. Don't be rude to our guest. You want to show your friend around, don't you?"

"_...Yes_," he agreed after a moment, falling in behind the pair.

* * *

Saiki sighed in relief as he closed the door to his room, finally glad to be done with that nonsense. Things had only gotten worse when his father had shown up on the scene, promptly embarrassing himself, and Saiki by proxy.

Turning, he found Aiura sitting on the edge of the bed, kicking her feet lightly with a sly smile. "Wanna join me?"

Saiki ignored her, instead moving to his desk and drawing the shades. He wouldn't put it past some of his friends to startle him through the window or something.

"Oooh, privacy," Aiura teased, rolling over so she could look at him the right way. She winked at him before laughing. "You all good?"

Saiki took a seat in his chair, rolling the germanium ring in his fingers. He had very conflicting feelings on the object. On the one hand, the silence was very alluring. Not having to worry about spoilers or people's constant complaints was nice. But the constant sense of unease he felt was quite unpleasant. He supposed that's what this training was for.

"_Alright, let's do this_," Saiki confirmed, slipping the ring on. In an instant, all the thoughts around him went silent, and he leaned back, enjoying it for a moment. It was like someone had wrapped a comforting blanket around his mind, and he just wanted to sink into it.

After a few moments, he realized neither he nor Aiura had said anything, and he opened his eyes, wondering what was wrong. Instead, he just saw Aiura looking at him with a quiet smile.

"You looked like you were having a good time," Aiura explained, sensing his confusion. "I didn't want to interrupt. So! Did you want to get started, big boy?"

Saiki barely even bothered to respond to the nickname, instead inclining his head slightly to indicate he was ready.

"Okay, for starters, use more words. Most people aren't as silent as you. Let's try that again. Are you ready to start?" she prompted.

"_Yes,_" Saiki confirmed, thankful they had at least agreed he could still speak with telepathy for the first sessions.

"Alrighty! Let's see...let's start easy. How are you feeling?"

"_Relaxed, though that will probably only last a few minutes_."

"Why's that?"

"_For the first few minutes I put on the ring, the silence is comforting. But I start to get concerned about what I'm missing before long._"

"I could see that. It's like how most people feel uncomfortable when they put on a blindfold. You can't see where you're going, and you're worried you might miss something dangerous," Aiura related. Saiki thought he saw a flash of something on her face, but he couldn't quite tell what it was. Aiura caught his expression, and cocked her head. "What? Is there something on my face?"

Somehow, she managed to whip out a makeup kit mirror before he could even respond.

"_No. I just thought you made an expression for a second. I didn't see it well though_."

"Oh...that," Aiura coughed. "Don't worry about it. Facial twitch. Happens all the time."

Saiki wasn't sure he believed her, but he couldn't tell either way, and it didn't really matter, so he let it slide. Aiura tapped a finger on her cheek, thinking. "Let's see...why don't I try some general poses, and you guess what they mean? Then we'll know where you're at."

"_Seems reasonable enough_," Saiki agreed. Aiura nodded, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, closing her eyes for a moment. After a second she opened them and leaned back, planting her hands behind her and to the sides. Meanwhile, she let her legs rest out in front of her.

"Okay, so what mood is this?" she asked, smiling at him.

Saiki looked her up and down, making sure to blink so he didn't see just a skeleton. It was tough work, but if he could start matching exterior features to skeletal orientations, it would help. The pose seemed familiar, and he tried to recognize where he'd seen it. It actually reminded him a bit of Kuboyasu when he wasn't trying to be rigid and proper. When he relaxed.

"_Relaxed_," Saiki guessed.

"Bingo!" Aiura complimented, clapping her hands together. Quickly, she brought her feet up onto the bed, laying on her side and propping her head up with one hand. "And this?"

Saiki knew this one. When they'd been planning their final trip, Teruhashi had invited everyone to "get comfortable", and Nendo had adopted that same pose on the bed. "_Comfortable_."

"You're on fire! Okay, now this one." Aiura sat up again, straightening her back, crossing one leg over the other and folding her hands in her lap. She stared at him with a slight smile.

Saiki didn't recognize this one. He hadn't seen anyone he knew personally do this, and those were the only people he really paid that much attention to. She seemed...attentive, but he couldn't tell if she was actually paying attention, or if she was doing the "high school stare". He leaned forward, trying to find something he was missing.

"_I don't know_," he admitted.

"Figured that would stump you. It's not just one thing," Aiura explained, resuming her relaxed posture. "It could mean a lot of things. You don't have context."

Saiki frowned at her. That felt a bit like cheating. As if detecting his thoughts, Aiura waved a hand. "Hey, even normal people wouldn't get that one. Let me put it this way. Let's pretend we're both employees at some stuffy business. If I sat like that, it's just professional. I'm giving you my attention and all that crap."

"Buuuut," Aiura continued, drawing out the word with a mischievous smile. "If I were a girl looking at my hunny, or some guy I found totes cute, that's a sign I'm interested."

Saiki just stared at her flatly, and she laughed at his expression. "Ah, come on. Don't look at me that way. I'm just trying to help! How many girls have been interested in you?"

He had to concede that point, albeit begrudgingly. "_I get your point. Let's move on_."

"Let's do something more active," Aiura suggested, standing up, and motioning for him to join her. He followed her back to the door, where they turned to look out over the room. "Now, pretend I'm just an acquaintance, keep your comments to yourself, and I've come over. What should you say?"

"_What do you mean? Why am I inviting an acquaintance in my room? I don't even invite my friends in here_," Saiki pointed out.

"What if you needed to give something to them?"

"_I'd teleport it to me so I could give it to them, or teleport myself home to grab it._"

Aiura facepalmed with a sigh. "Okay, maybe _not_ the best example. Fine. Your...fictional sister invites someone over, and she asks you to entertain them for a minute while she goes and gets something. Now what?"

"_Considering I am Kuriko, it'll be six minutes max_-"

"We're not talking about you, we're talking about a fictional sister. One who doesn't have teleportation," Aiura clarified.

Saiki sighed. "_In that case, I have some books or manga they could read_."

"What about your game system?" Aiura asked, gesturing to the device under his TV.

"_I only have shitty games that no one wants to play_."

"Why?" Aiura's expression was one he could recognize: utter confusion.

"_With any game that's good, the odds of someone playing it are quite high. I can hear spoilers everywhere I go. It's worse with Kaidou._"

"That's...a pretty good reason, but it still sounds kinda lame. You should get at least one good game to play with others."

"_You know that playing against a mind reader ends in me either winning or tying, right?_"

"Ugh, forget it," Aiura said, falling back on the bed with a frustrated huff. "You gotta give me something to work with!"

Saiki looked around the room, attempting to find something he could use to refute her claim, but nothing caught his eye. He supposed she had a point; he was used to only entertaining himself. If he was intending to entertain...friends, he'd need to cater to their tastes.

"_What would you suggest?_" he asked.

"Me? Well, the biggest one I can think of is just getting a half decent game to play. And learning how to lose a little," Aiura added with a slight smile.

"_I can lose if I want_," Saiki countered. "_I've intentionally placed in the middle of any sports event I've participated in_."

To his surprise, Aiura's smile only grew, taking on a mischievous bent. "One thing I've learned about you, Kusuo, is that you _hate_ to lose when you can afford to win."

"_I don't know what you're talking about_," Saiki argued, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh yeah? Then take me in a game."

"_Do I need to remind you-?_"

"_Without_ your telepathy," Aiura added.

"_Fine_," he agreed quickly, moving to sit in front of the console. Aiura jumped off the bed, taking a spot beside him with a grin. One he ignored as he plugged in his _J Stars_ disc.

"Hey, this game looks half-good," Aiura commented as it booted up.

"_It wasn't my choice. My father gave it to me. His company wanted to market it_," Saiki explained. "_Still, the other guys seemed to like it._"

"Man, it's been a long time since I played a game like this!" Aiura said excitedly, leaning forward slightly.

Saiki smiled slightly to himself, content in the knowledge that even without his telepathy, he would still have the odds in his favour. His reflexes and coordination were well above human average, challenging even professionals. Even without the ability to predict her actions by reading her mind, he could defeat Aiura by reading her character's motions.

The game started quickly (a nice change after all the shitty games that had long load times), and he wasted no time in taking the aggressive tact, applying pressure to Aiura's character. Every time she tried to use a move, he blocked it perfectly, and countered with his own attacks. By the time he won the first round, he couldn't help but smile a little.

"You _sure_ that ring is working?" Aiura accused, glaring at him. "What am I thinking?"

"_I don't know_," he answered honestly, although he was a little curious about what she thought she could think that would make him crack. He'd heard a lot of strange, weird, and downright creepy thoughts; nothing she could muster could make him budge.

"Fine, then. That was one round," she huffed. "Best two out of three!"

Saiki shrugged, but accepted, keeping his character. Aiura seemed to take a moment longer, deliberating on her choice. Was she not trying seriously before? How well did she know this game? Suddenly, he felt a small amount of concern about the situation.

"This one," Aiura announced finally, selecting a fighter. Saiki couldn't help but be a touch surprised; it was the perfect counter to his character. Their skills and stats left him at a pure numerical disadvantage. Even so, he was fairly certain he could win. Aiura didn't strike him as a gamer, so he wasn't concerned about her wiping the floor with him.

From the outset of the fight, he immediately found himself on the back foot. When he closed to press the advantage, she immediately countered, and it took all his focus to keep up with the pace. He got some lucky blows here and there, chipping at her health. But even when he tried to unleash some of his power moves, she used her blocks perfectly, like it was a scripted TV fight.

He soon found himself staring disbelievingly at a loss.

Immediately, he turned his glare to Aiura, who was smiling at him through a wink and a blindingly smug smile. "Were you going easy on little poor me?"

"_What did you do?_"

"Me? Nothing," Aiura said, feigning offense. "You're so mean!"

Suddenly, it clicked. The reason she had spent so long on the character screen, and why it seemed like she could perfectly avoid his biggest moves; she had read the future. "_You used your power._"

"Oh, busted," Aiura admitted, rubbing her neck. "Awww, are you mad at me?"

"_You said-_"

"I said you couldn't use _your_ power, not that I couldn't use mine. Besides, you're like...crazy fast. So I gotta level the playing field somehow," Aiura explained. "Besides, Kaidou's a big game freak, right? He's probably pretty fast and skilled. Better get used to losing."

"_I wouldn't lose to him_," Saiki asserted.

"Oh yeah?" Aiura asked, the mischievous angle returning to her smile. "Well, then how about a winner takes all round? And whoever wins gets a favour from the other?"

"_What would I want from you?_" Saiki asked flatly.

"Are you saying you'd lose?" Aiura taunted.

"_...Fine. But to level the playing field, we're both taking random characters_," Saiki countered.

"If it gets me that favour, you're on!" Aiura shouted, pumping her fist in the air, her bangles jingling to punctuate her enthusiasm. Saiki just rolled his eyes.

The fighters they got slightly favoured Aiura, and he wondered if her clicking random second affected the outcome. But he had instituted the rule, so he wasn't sure. The urge to just read her mind to figure out which it was crept through his mind, like an itch he was trying to ignore.

He shoved the thought aside as the match started. This time, he played a bit more cautiously, trying to get a read on Aiura's rhythm. It was more evenly matched this time, and they traded blows equally, sometimes pressing an opening for a moment or two before the other reversed it.

He smiled to himself as he readied his game finishing combo. He could end the fight now, in one fell swoop. He slammed the button, prepared to see the final attack. But instead, the pause menu appeared, and he looked down at his controller to check which button he had pressed. However, the sound of the end of the round made him look back up, and he found himself staring at another loss.

He turned slowly to look at Aiura, who was smiling smugly at him, not even bothering to hide her guilt. "So, looks like I won~."

"_You cheated_," he argued, trying to keep a cool tone.

"Creative use of game mechanics," Aiura retorted. "I knew that no matter how the fight turned out, you would use your big move at the end. You like finishing things in one motion. So all I had to do was stop you from doing that."

"_How did you know when to do that?_" Saiki asked, his curiosity winning out slightly over his ire.

"Well, most of the time, when I see the future, it's like seeing flashes of possibility. But I knew that you were going to use that move," Aiura started, tapping her chin before shaking her head. "Imagine you're on a boat in a river, yeah? So you can go down a bunch of different rivers and stuff, but then all these rivers feed back into one river at the end. Some get there faster. But you can always see that river as you're getting close. So I knew what to look for, and was able to block that because you would do it no matter how the fight went."

Saiki had to admit it was impressive, but he wasn't going to tell that to her. Instead, he sighed, laying down his controller. "_Fine. You win. What are you going to force me to do?_"

"Aw, don't be such a grouch," Aiura fake-pouted. "Besides, I'm going to hold onto this favour until I can come up with something I _really_ want. But I'll let you know when I figure it out, 'kay?"

Saiki didn't have a chance to respond as another voice came from the door. "Ku-chan? It's me, your Mother. Can I come in?"

"_Come in_," Saiki invited, relieved at the forewarning. It still felt strange to not have known she was there until she got to the door, and he rolled the ring on his finger nervously.

"How are things going up here?" his mom asked, looking between the two of them. Even without his telepathy, he could see the slight concern in her eyes.

"I think it's going well," Aiura commented, flashing a thumbs up before turning to look at Saiki. "What do you think?"

Saiki glanced at the loss screen, but for some reason, the irritation he felt earlier seemed to have evaporated, and he instead smiled slightly. "_I think we made some good progress today. I think I've had enough of my ring for today, though_."

"Oh...so is the visit over?" his mother asked, her disappointment clearly visible. A moment later, he could feel it wash over his mind as he slipped off his ring. In some ways, feeling it was even worse than seeing it.

"_...It would be rude not to invite her for dinner. Unless you have somewhere you need-_"

"Free as a bird!" Aiura assured with a bright smile, her mind instantly lighting up with energy, and an undercurrent of affection.

"Excellent! I'll get cooking!" his mom added chiperly. "If you're done with your practice for now, why don't you come downstairs? I'd love to get to know Aiura better!"

Saiki tried his hardest to ignore the thoughts going through his mother's head, no matter how irritating they were. He knew better than to refuse her, or the fortune teller beside him, if her mind was anything to go on. "_Alright. Let's go_."


End file.
